**long post alert** As some of you are aware i have really struggled with food optimising these last few weeks and although i have put a brave face on it I'm not happy where i am or could be if it continues and i feel its only right to be honest with you all as our group is about honesty and helping and supporting each other.
So had a good talk to myself and i have decided that I'm going to start enjoying the plan again as it is a fantastic plan and you really can fill up on free food and never go hungry!! So breakfast today is strawberries and plums for speed, vanilla cheesecake yoghurt with a few blueberries free,150mls bob milk 3syns/half healthy extra A choice and my fox and moon food diary that im going to use to write everything down as i eat it to help keep me on track. Also planned my meals for the rest of the day, got my body magic planned too im going for a walk to the shop/ post office and a trip to the park with my little lady.
Happy Wednesday Everyone
Day 116 - So, I just binge purged. These are the things I did it with. Spoon, pan and bottle of water. I just binged purged all my chocolate breakfast cereal.
I'm immersed in nature, I'm on holiday, I'm with my boyfriend who is supposed to bring me peace. WHY DID I BINGE PURGE? What is wrong with me?! Am I a lost case?! That's how I feel right now but this binge purge had been building up for the past 24 hours.
So it all begun yesterday when we were on the road. We stopped somewhere to make lunch. I was doing my yoga and lunch was ready. I told my boyfriend to have his bit (65% of the food) and then I would have the rest.
I sat down hungry and I was ready to 'tuck into' lunch. I saw a rather big portion but I thought, ok, he's had his bit so I guess this is all mine. I sprinkled on some mozzarella to this chickpea, farro, tomato chili we'd made and it was delicious. I didn't stop when I was full.
When I was finished I asked my boyfriend, hmmm, seems I had quite a lot, did you have enough. He went "no, only a little bit. I was waiting for you to take some and then I would have the rest". So basically I OVERATE FOR LUNCH YESTERDAY. Guilt set in. I was feeling miserable all afternoon. Then we stopped by a lake to have a dip and clean ourselves. He took some pictures, obviously my stomach was bulging because of the big lunch. I looked at the pictures of me in a swimsuit and starting crying, had a breakdown, said that if I continued to balloon I would go back to speed and bulimia.
I SKIPPED my afternoon snack. Was feeling better when we got to the campsite after a talk about why I care so much about being thin and how I was unravelling in this body I now carry.
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